400 Reasons You MIGHT Be a Redneck
Thanks, Jeff Foxworthy!
(formerly 300 reasons)

1. You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

2. You ever cut your grass and found a car.

3. You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.

4. You think the stock market has a fence around it.

5. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.

6. Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.

7. You own a homemade fur coat.

8. Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.

9. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

10. Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath"

11. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.

12. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

13. You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

14. Birds are attracted to your beard.

15. Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

16. You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.

17. You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.

18. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.

19. Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos"

20. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.

21. You've ever given rat traps as gifts.

22. You clean your fingernails with a stick.

23. Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

24. You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.

25. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

26. Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

27. Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.

28. You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

29. There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.

30. The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

31. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.

32. You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.

33. The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.

34. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

35. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

36. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.

37. You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.

38. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

39. You’re considered an expert on worm beds.

40. Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell"

41. The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.

42. You've ever bought a used cap.

43. Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.

44. You pick your teeth….. from a catalog.

45. You've ever financed a tattoo.

46. You've ever stolen toilet paper.

47. You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.

48. People hear your car a long time before they see it.

49. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.

50. You prefer car keys to Q-tips.

51. You take a fishing pole into Sea World.

52. You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.

53. You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.

54. You think the French Riviera is foreign car.

55. You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.

56. You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

57. You have ever used lard in bed.

58. You own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.

59. You have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.

60. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

61. Someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.

62. The primary color of your car is Bondo.

63. Directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road"

64. Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.

65. You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.

66. You ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.

67. Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people.

68. Your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

69. You see no need to stop at a rest stop 'cause you have an empty milk jug.

70. You consider the fifth grade your senior year.

71. You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that doesn’t run).

72. The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.

73. You have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.

74. You have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.

75. Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.

76. Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

77. You bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.

78. Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.

79. You view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.

80. Your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.

81. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

82. The main course at potluck dinners is road kill.

83. Your other truck is made by John Deere.

84. You think suspenders are a type of shirt.

85. Going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.

86. You keep a spit cup on the ironing board.

87. You ever got too drunk to fish.

88. More than one living relative is named after a civil war general.

89. Your home has more miles on it than your car.

90. You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

91. There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

92. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

93. Fewer than half of your cars run.

94. Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.

95. You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.

96. You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for cousin Bobby-Sue to walk by.

97. Your family tree doesn't have any branches.

98. Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.

99. The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

100. The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

101. You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.

102. The only condiment on your dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.

103. The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.

104. You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.

105. You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.

106. You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.

107. The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute"

108. You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

109. Your favorite Christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.

110. You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia boss.

111. The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"

112. You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.

113. You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.

114. The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?"

115. You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.

116. Your father encourages you to quit school because Earl has an opening on the lube rack.

117. You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

118. You think that the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

119. You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.

120. You've ever used a weed eater indoors.

121. You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.

122. Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and put on the skirt.

123. You've ever financed a tattoo.

124. Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a six-pack.

125. You go to a Tupperware party for a haircut.

126. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

127. Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mud flaps.

128. You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.

129. You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

130. You have to scratch your sister’s name out of the message: "for a good time call . . .”, because you feel guilty about putting it there.

131. You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.

132. You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.

133. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

134. You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest."

135. You roll your hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.

136. You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shit and thermal underwear.

137. There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.

138. You think the mountain men in Deliverance were just "misunderstood"

139. You've ever made change in the offering plate.

140. You consider a good tan to be the back of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve.

141. You own at least 20 baseball hats.

142. You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.

143. You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.

144. When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!

145. Your biggest ambition in life is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn"

146. Three quarters of the clothes you own have LOGOS on them.

147. When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.

148. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your camper does.

149. You have started a petition to change the National Anthem to "Georgia on My Mind"

150. You call your boss "Buddy", on a regular basis.

151. You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

152. You have been fired from a construction job because of your appearance.

153. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

154. You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

155. After making love you ask your date to roll down the window.

156. The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

157. You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

158. Someone in your family says "Cum'n heer an' lookit this afore I flush it"

159. Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

160. When you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack," it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

161. You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

162. Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"

163. "Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?" is what you hear right before you and your wife/girl make love.

164. Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

165. You'd rather catch bass than get some… (if you can't guess...)

166. You have a Hefty bag for a car convertible top.

167. Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.

168. You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.

169. You have an Elvis Jell-O mold.

170. You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.

171. You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.

172. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

173. You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.

174. There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.

175. The theme song at your high school prom was “Friends in Low Places”

176. Its easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

177. You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.

178. You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.

179. You idea of talking during sex is "Ain't no cars coming, baby!"

180. Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.

181. The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.

182. Your mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house.

183. The ASPCA raids your kitchen.

184. Foreplay consists of slipping off the saddle.

185. You can't get married to your sweetheart ‘cause there’s a law against it.

186. You celebrate Groundhog Day (cause ya believe in it!!)

187. You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

188. You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!

189. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.

190. If you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

191. Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.

192. "Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape, it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.

193. Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

194. You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

195. You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You"

196. You've ever parked a Camaro in a tree.

197. Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.

198. Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

199. The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is one too if he pays you for it)

200. You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.

201. You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.

202. You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.

203. Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.

204. The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

205. Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.

206. On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible"

207. During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together.

208. You're a “light” beer drinker, because you start drinking when it gets light.

209. On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.

210. Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!”

211. You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

212. In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Larry do?”

213. Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

214. You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines"

215. Your child's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers”

216. Your wife's best pair of shoes is steel-toed Red Wings.

217. You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.

218. You bring your dog to work with you.

219. You replace a flat tire on your truck with a tire from your house.

220. You've ever put a six-pack in a casket right before they closed it.

221. Your family's No. 1 enemy is revenuers.

222. Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.

223. You use lava soap more than three times a day.

224. You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.

225. You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.

226. You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.

227. You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as potpourri.

228. You can't take a bath because beer is iced down in your tub.

229. Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.

230. You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.

231. You throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife shoots it.

232. You've ever fed your date french fries in a Denny's.

233. Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of the truck.

234. Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off.

235. You come home from the garbage dump with more than you went with.

236. You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

237. You've ever lost a car to kudzu.

238. You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

239. Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

240. You've ever been arrested for loitering.

241. You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

242. You've ever shot anyone for looking at you wrong.

243. Your momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

244. There is a wasp nest in your living room.

245. You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

246. Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

247. Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

248. Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

249. Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

250. Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

251. The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

252. You haul more than U-Haul.

253. Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

254. There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

255. Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

256. Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

257. Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

258. The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.

259. Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

260. You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

261. You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

262. You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

263. Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

264. You can't tell what color your car is because of the mud.

265. None of your shirts cover your stomach.

266. Bikers back down from your momma.

267. You've ever stolen clothes from a scarecrow.

268. You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.

269. You went out to get traps cause you heard the computer had a mouse.

270. Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.

271. People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.

272. You've ever worn shorts to a funeral.

273. Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.

274. In an effort to watch your cholesterol, you eat Spam Lite.

275. You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.

276. You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

277. You can spit without opening your mouth.

278. You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

279. You think of “corn” as a beverage

280. You've never paid for a haircut.

281. You think a 'cursor' is someone who swears a lot.

282. Your screen door has no screen.

283. Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.

284. You raid your kids piggy bank cause you’re out of Winstons.

285. If you've ever set off fire works at a wedding.

286. You have to check in your hunting boots to see if you have enough money to buy a plug of RedMan.

287. Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.

288. You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.

289. Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.

290. Your masseuse uses lard.

291. You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.

292. On stag night, you take a real deer.

293. You use an old camper as a guest room.

294. Your back porch is bigger than your house.

295. There is more oil in your cap than in your car.

296. There are more feathers on your cowboy hat than on a full grown ostrich.

297. An expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

298. You think “Old Yeller” is a movie about your brother's tooth.

299. You watch Little House on the Prairie for decorating tips.

300. Your secret family recipe is illegal.

301. Your baby's favorite teether is the hosepipe from the back yard.

302. Your coat-of-arms features kudzu.

303. Your big time show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

304. You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

305. Your best ashtray is a turtle shell.

306. Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

307. You think “cur” is a breed of dog.

308. Your four-year-old daughter is a member of the NRA.

309. Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes for the kids.

310. Your best shoes have numbers on the heels.

311. Your wife has ever burned out an electric razor.

312. Your birth announcement included the word "rug rat".

313. You've ever hitchhiked naked,

314. You're turned on by a woman who can field dress a deer.

315. You use the “O” on a stop sign to sight your new rifle.

316. Your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."

317. The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your false teeth.

318. Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

319. Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

320. There are more than two lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

321. You've ever shot somebody over a parking place.

322. Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

323. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

324. You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.

325. The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

326. You list your parole officer as a reference.

327. There are more fish on your wall than pictures.

328. Motel 6 turns off the lights when they see you coming.

329. There are more dishes in your sink than in your cabinets.

330. Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.

331. You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored.

332. You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.

333. You're still trying to scalp tickets after the concert is over.

334. You’ve ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

335. You’ve ever towed another truck with pantyhose and duct tape.

336. You’ve ever “burned rubber” in a funeral procession.

337. You can do all your Christmas shopping at the Flea Market and Goodwill.

338. You’ve ever taken a beer to a job interview (the boss is a redneck too if he hired you.)

339. You vacuum the bed so you don’t have to change the sheets.

340. You try to warn the girl in the horror movie that the bad guy’s bout ta git ‘em.

341. You ever had to take out some of the seats out of your car so all your kids could fit in.

342. You have a complete set of salad bowls that all say “Cool Whip” on the side.

343. You’ve ever used someone else’s truck keys to clean your ears.

344. You ever took a leak from a moving truck…especially if you were driving.

345. You’ve ever had to dim your headlights for another car even though your gun was loaded and the deer was in sight.

346. You’ve ever sent your wife down the road with a gas can and asked her to bring back beer too.

 347. You’ve ever left your toddler at the concession stand of the drive-in so you could enjoy the movie.

348. You serve fired bologna sandwiches at your sister’s wedding reception.

349. You’ve ever had to apologize for throwing up in your friend’s truck after a night of heavy drinking.

350. You wore your dad’s leisure suit with a clean bowling shirt to your prom.

351. You’ve ever stuck your hand into a public toilet to get a nickel you dropped.

352. You’ve ever used the ironing board as a buffet table.

353. You think being romantic means baiting your date’s hook for her.

354. You’ve ever taken a cooler full of beer to a church picnic.

355. You’ve ever given livestock as a wedding gift.

356. Somebody tells you you have something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

357. You ever stared at a can of Orange Juice cause it said “concentrate”

358. You’ve ever used something the taxidermist prepared as a holiday table centerpiece.

359. Your neighbors think you must be important cause the cops always bring you home.

360. You own a denim leisure suit.

361. Somebody yells “Hoe-Down” and your wife hits the floor.

362. You think a woman who is “Out of your league” bowls on a different night.

363. You think a “Quarter Horse” is that ride in front of the K-Mart.

364. You thought the Unabomber was a pro rassler.

365. You let your 14 year old daughter smoke at the table…in front of her kids.

366. You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

367. The T.V. that works sits on top of one that doesn’t.

368. Your Jack-O-Lantern has more teeth than you.

369. The nicest store you’ve ever been to is Wal-Mart.

370. You know which leaves make the best toilet paper.

371. You’re happy they got a new “Dollar General” in town so you don’t have to git dressed up to go to Wal-Marts.

372. You’ve ever cleaned fish in your living room.

373. You have grease under your toenails.

374. You think “Fast Food” means hitting a deer at 70 mph.

375. You’ve ever asked the preacher “How’s it hanging?”

376. You’ve ever wondered how the gas station keeps their restrooms so clean.

377. You’ve ever heard a sheep and got horny.

378. Hitch hikers refuse to get in your truck.

379. You’ve ever cut your toenails in front of company.

380. After the prom you drove the truck while your date threw beer bottles at road signs.

381. You missed your 5th grade graduation cause you had jury duty.

382. You ever hit on a girl at the V.D. clinic.

383. You show your boyfriend you really love him by carving his name in your arm.

384. You have mud flaps on your moped.

385. You own zip-up-the-side plastic boots.

386. Your dog had a litter of pups on the living room floor and nobody noticed.

387. You were kicked out of the KKK for being “gross”

388. You’ve ever used duct tape to repair furniture.

389. You let your dog eat at the table cause his manners are as good as Uncle Buck’s.

390. You’ve ever used the computer in your underwear.

391. You’ve ever had catfish and grits…for breakfast.

392. Your 4-wheel drive truck is taller than any 18 wheeler.

393. You know the difference between a hissy-fit and a conniption.

394. You’ve ever tried to use a Zippo to remove nose hair.

395. You’ve ever used the phrase “He’s as buck-toothed as a mule gnawing a punkin through a rail fence."

396. You want a Gateway computer cause of the purty cow colored boxes.

397. You’ve ever picked flowers from the side of the road on the way to pick up your date.

398. You consider deodorant a luxury item.

399. You think a good slash of “Old Spice” is a substitute for bathing.

400. Your momma ever came out of the bathroom and said “Hey, somebody tell Josh Turner to come look at this “Long Black Train”

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